soul searching

Working on The Crucible has been the biggest acting challenge for me yet. In the past I have either been given small roles or I was typecast, cast as a character with tons of similarities to myself. This time things turned out differently. I am cast as Marry Warren. Mary Warren is insecure, desperate, and gets easily worked up. I however, am confident and I rarely take out my anger or cry. I don't let a whole lot get to me and when it does I am passive.

At first, I felt confident about the role. I found myself surrounded by a loving and talented cast and I thought I understood Mary Warren. As the first week came to a close and we rolled into the second week I began to lose that confidence. I could not for the life of me cry onstage as Mary Warren does far too often and something wasn't clicking into place. I had no idea what exactly I was doing wrong, but I felt like I was letting down my big Crucible family.

Last Wednesday or so (the days blur together when you are in the perfect blissful land that is the Art Center's basement) our assistant director, Elizabeth, took me upstairs and helped me figure out who Mary was and what we had in common. After politely listening to a brief history of my social interactions and my analysis of my personality, Elizabeth confirmed that Mary Warren and I are opposites. She then taught me to cry, I mean have a weep-a-thon, on cue. Elizabeth shared her experiences with me of conjuring up tears and told me that the tears have to come from somewhere real. Sure, I had been told to think of dead puppies before, but I don't cry when I am sad. I cry when I am frustrated. Elizabeth also reminded me to have the courage to let go onstage. I am very lucky to have her guidance.

Soon after soul searching, we worked the show in detail. There is a point where my character yells onstage. Not like a pathetic pep squad shout, but really yells, with anger and sincerity. I was not getting it. I don't yell at people. At my toughest, I look someone in the eyes and speak sternly. Shannon, our director, was unbelievably patient. The five or so others in the room endured me whilst Shannon searched for the question or scenario that pissed me off. Miraculously, she found it. I applied it to the scene and it was amazing. It clicked. Everyone in the room was supportive and once I was offstage I rejoiced to a friend who was waiting in the hall. He celebrated with me. I love our cast.

I still have a ways to go but I could not be where I am without the amazing directors staff and my ever supportive cast. They truly are family to me. This show isn't about any one person, especially not myself, and I encourage you to come see everyone's profound performance. I just told you all about a small part of the big picture.

To my family (yes, that means you cast and staff) thank you sooo much for your help and patience. It means the world to me. You are all talented and bring the show to life.

~Michelle Stockwell